Developing one of my favorite scenes: Demon Stabbings and Bloody Conversations

This is one of my favorite scenes I have written for so many reasons. I want to walk you through some of the specifics of why I love this scene and why I think that it works so well. Of course I am very biased considering I've wrote this.

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Chapter Opener

The chapter opens with this:

Her human form stares back in the mirror and the blemishes and cracks in her body, the holes in her skin show her true form, the red starts to leak through. She must deal with the Prince and maintain her personality. After all, it’s more than she bargained for. More than she can handle.

Brown hair and brown eyes look back at her. Like Lexi. Imitate her and spill more blood on her name; make it come out of their lips reluctantly.

She, unlike Lexi, is not as powerful. Not as beautiful. Understanding. Not as much of an Angel as her Sister, but instead the imperfect copy; an Angel without their shining halo, but instead one made of half shadow and light. The imperfect copy. Flaws in designs, small cracks and blemishes that weren’t on the original (and in her opinion), a better personality. More fun.

The things the original Lexi must have done, the blood she spilled on Erica’s name, the dirt she put between the syllables, the spit of people saying it, like it verbally hurt them…

The mirror is an overly used device within literature, but I think the idea is really interesting and wanted to use this in this specific scene, where Erica decides that she si done faking herself and has to confront her Demon. This scene works so well because I loved the writing in it, specifically the sentence lengths were really fun to play around with and the more seriously scathing tone which I used really works for this scene, I find that this opening really works for what the scene is going to set up, which you will find out as you read both the scene itself and this blog post. At the moment Erica is in the bathroom, but the more pivotal part of the scene in her reflection and the mirror and what is happening to her in the environment. Bathrooms tend to be quite cold spaces. En-suites specifically are quite cramped and there tend to be quite limited space - maybe a toilet or a bath in there with a tiny sink.

The inspiration to set this in the bathroom was most castles tend to have massive places. My grandparents whilst they don't own a castle, they have a sizable house with a tiny bathroom. I had been holidaying there for a few weeks and decided to set a scene in there whilst I was writing this project because why not. The coldness tends to be accoated with poor heating, and as this was a scene in a cold bathroom I wanted to ensure that I used the cold to the best of my ability. There is a lot of discourse around using settings for all of their dramatic value within writing circles and I agree.

Important Extracts of Note

Some of my favorite parts are included in this section and I want to show you them. Let's start with this extract:

All things considered; she had done well.

Now, if only she didn’t crack with Nate…

She can’t afford to let anything else slip too far.

She can’t let anything go to waste because of one job.

One Job, Giving too much away with this job. Give the wrong impression, phrase the wrong way. Twist the word, twist the narrative, the story at large.

Other people had more control over her appearance than she had. All she had control over was her appearance — and that isn’t much control when a single sentence can end your career.

Play your cards as close to your chest. Lock most information away. Bolt it shut and throw away the key.

she snaps her fingers and they turn black to the nail. Her hair changes from brown to black: the way she had it.

The way she had it was the best because it was hers.

One main theme - and thread throughout the book is identity and how Erica perceives herself and everyone else. This is both her story of identity and how her job affords her the opportunities to conceal herself for knives. You're going to have to read/listen/consume the whole novel to understand identity and how it shapes for her, but the point still stands that there is the theme of it. It's also in Nate's story, but at this moment, he is irrelevant because he doesn't appear in this scene. Read my other reflections to further understand, if you're interested in my favorite scene between him and Lucifer click here (when it becomes available I will write it)

Writing Tip

Having characters in isolation can reveal a lot about who tey are as people. How they interact with themselves and others, though, too, can reveal a lot about them. Always put the characters

Description is Key

This next extract is a small one, but I love it. There are a few little parts to this that I want to show you why I think this works and tell you a little bit about this small part.

She reaches down to her knives and grabs her longest ones. Using her gun in a tight space like this would only harm her more. This might be – one of her many – fight(s) of a lifetime. If this gets ugly, she has every faith she will live. She is an Assassin from the academy, trained by the best of course she will live even against whatever this formless thing is.

The figure gains a shape, a form, but she can’t place her finger on exactly what the form is.

It might be here to kill her.

In pervious drafts I didn't consider how harmful using her gun in a tight space would be,, Iy would have basically made her deaf and this, considering I do not have any experience being deaf I didn't want to make her a character I don't have enough experience writing about. Others should tell that story. She was also more scared of her Demons, as there was not that under current of confidence to Erica's character.

The reason that the final rendition works because of the over-arching theme of Erica's 'base level' of Confidences and self-belief. The Demon materializing fills her with fear, but her ability to remain calm thanks to her training is what makes the short extract work. The anxiety of the Demon being there to kill her, some characters would be quaking at the fear of death, where Erica doesn't. The steel will she has is astonishing and I wish I could have that type of will. Would I want her job? No.

This extract follows a little later in the scene:

Violence brims from its hands and black Angel wings, its confident smile beams through the darkness. It smiles, checking the aim of the gun and lining it with Erica’s heart.

'I’m only fulfilling the duty of a Demon. This is goodbye.'

Emotions whirl around the Demon. Sadness wraps around it, soaking it with tears and remorse.

Her hands tremble.

Her Demon will find another wound to reopen. She couldn’t kill the host, otherwise, there would be nowhere for her Demon to go. She can’t be certain, though. She can’t be certain of anything with her Demon.

The descriptions are, I think, some really good ones. I could have done more with the description of the Demon themselves, but the cold line the Demon utters here before harming Erica really solidified for me writing it. the scene in my opinion at this stage in the novel only really works if you add her consistently confident persona into it. Whilst I should have taken the approach of the Demon robbing her of something like I did in pervious drafts, it might have felt too rushed if I made her lose her confidence, because she has faith in her abilities without the Demon magic. this is why I think that the scene works so well and the confident Erica and her Demon play off each other so well, as the Demon comes off as almost sombre, but at the same time confident to the point of cockiness.. this scene might have turned out better if I made sure to include elements of the Demon and develop her more and sketch what she looks like - something I only added in with Nate's perspective later on in the book, but even then for a character whose temper and not naked as such, her appearance as Erica's 'darker side' didn't really need much development, but still, I personally, if I had to write this scene again, would give her more description.

To conclude

What exactly would you change in your favorite scene from your finished or work in progress piece of writing?